Mental Coffee

The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.

This has got to be the video of the week!  Check out the G-oochies (Ghetto Hoochies) egging on the GIT.   Old man schools his punk behind though.  And.. they show their true colors… laughin’ hyenas

67-year-old-white-man-beats-up-a-loud-mouthed-thug-something-tough-video

The doorbell rang, and the lady of the house discovered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front door. “Lady,” he announced, “I’m the piano tuner.” The lady exclaimed, “Why, I didn’t send for a piano tuner.” The man replied, “I know, but our neighbors did.”

And just because I like it sooo much….

Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.

I’m infamous for collecting Blond Jokes so, I figured I could share them here.  Forgive me if you’ve heard them.

What do you call a bunch of blonds standing in a row?  (more…)

There is one Very Serious IT department.
All staff comes to work at 6am and leaves around 11pm.
Suddenly, one guy started his day at 9am.
All the guys exchanged “looks”.
And he left at 6pm.
All the guys exchanged “looks”.
Next day is the same story.
And the day after is the same story.
Finally, they come to this rebel to explain the rules.
He listened, kept quiet for a while and said: ”Excuse me guys, I am on vacation…”

A woman who seeks to be equal with men lacks ambition.

Ouch!!!

A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together.

St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homes where they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter’s holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know.

Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says, “Here you go” and goes to leave when the forester says “Wait minute! How come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?”

St. Peter says: “Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before.”

One CEO always scheduled staff meetings for 4:30 on Friday afternoons. One of the employees finally got up the nerve to ask why, the CEO explained, “I’ll tell you its very simple – it’s the only time of the week when none of you seems to want to argue with me.”

Illiteracy in Louisiana ? 

How would you pronounce this child’s name?  She spells her name “Le-a”

So how would YOU pronounce her name?
Leah?  …………………NO.
Lee – A?  ……………… NOPE.
Lay – a?  ………….. NOT A CHANCE.
Lei?………..NICE TRY, BUT GUESS AGAIN!
This child attends a school in Livingston Parish, LA.  Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her child’s name wrong.  She says it’s pronounced “Ledasha.”  When the Mother was asked how in the world she figured  it should be pronounced that way, she said, ”cause the dash don’t be silent!”  So, if you see a name come across your desk like this, please remember to pronounce the dash.  And if anyone axes you why, tell them it’s ’cause the dash don’t be silent!
Someone… pleeeeze, pleeeze tell me dis don’t bes true!  Surely, someone bes jokin’ wid us?!?!

Special thanks to uncle Rich and his hysterical emails! 

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean $200?”

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women  drivers.
The woman says, ‘So, you’re a man.. That’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but we’re unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days.’

 Flattered, the man replies, ‘Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you’re still at fault…women shouldn’t be allowed to drive.’
The woman continues, ‘And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.

She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man. The man asks, ‘Aren’t you having any?’
The woman replies, ‘No. I think I’ll just wait for the police…’

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever, evil bitches.
Don’t mess with them.

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

A blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!”

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, “You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little idiot on your knee.”